How many people does it take to tell you something and actually believe it is true?
To tell you that the objective of life is not to just escape through with the least amount of scars, and to bemoan the ones you carry?
To tell you that you are beautiful, a treasure, worth a suffering and a sacrifice?
To tell you that your sins and flaws and edges and grotesque deformities don’t negate unconditional love from your Father in heaven?
Wrestling with the truth leaves you tired. I’ve been mulling over all these things, which have come to light this semester as I’ve been reading and writing and contemplating my life and post-Year-4 existence. I’ve been studying Ruth and Hosea and Genesis and 1 Samuel and realizing the same God who was there in the beginning has always been relational and has always mourned the disobedience of his people.
I have read examples over and over of Yahweh’s agents choosing to/not to trust him; spurning/engaging in unbelief and sin; and acting/not acting according to what they were commanded to do.
Friend, this is our Lord. We are still commanded to walk in his ways, obey his voice, even though we are living in a different age where shepherd kings are no longer anointed in the fields of Bethlehem and we are not gleaning in the fields of kinsman-redeemers. God has not changed.
Sadly, neither have we.
I am still battling the temptation to fear, to disbelieve the word of the Lord that he cares, loves, is present, is working. I still struggle with believing he has done all he has said he has done.
I need to keep reading, keep praying, keep studying and asking God to meld my worldview to his heart so I can see more fully that he truly is the Lord of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Ruth, Samuel, and Hannah.
I need help to trust.
“Jesus, Master, pity [me]!” -Luke 17:13