struggles – Thoughts from Blue Eyes

Sometimes Quiet is Violent

I remember sitting with Luke on the steps to the alleyway last semester. He was dying inside for lack of peace. Over the next few weeks, we talked and prayed and cried out to God together. I fervently read the Psalms with him. We’d eat french fries and wonder when God would respond.

We didn’t doubt, we just wondered.

I’ve been confronted with the idea that God suffers inconsolably with us, and that discontent breeds love, so we all must be discontent, including God. That he’s impatiently pacing back and forth, waiting for the day when perfection can be restored in heaven. Eden made us lose our innocence, and now we have to face the tragedies and sufferings that accompany knowledge of good and evil. He’s going to wipe our tears away, but I denote a problem with this image of a suffering God who is out of control, doesn’t understand, and doesn’t

Sometimes Quiet is ViolentKaitlyn2019-10-08T02:29:19+00:00

“Lord, I Need You” and the Extrovert

I sometimes feel a panicky desperation in my heart whenever I’m with people I care about. It’s not because I dislike being with friends or claustrophobic; on the contrary, I want those moments to last forever, and I feel this rising tightness that whispers intensely to me: “Lock this in! Take in everything! Analyze every color and shape and emotion in this scene! Because it won’t happen again!”

I have an eternal Rolodex of those. Today, I added several scenes to the picture diary in my head. Watching the sunrise with some floor sisters this early morning, sitting quietly in the plaza as campus woke up, and skating at an 80s-style roller rink are some of those precious images. They are broken down into bits and pieces — it’s not like I can vividly remember each and every fleeting thought — but I value them. Sometimes it’s hard to move into

“Lord, I Need You” and the ExtrovertKaitlyn2019-10-08T02:29:19+00:00

“Hearts Like Ours” and the Assurance

“He is faithful. I don’t understand,” she laughed. “There’s a lot of grace.”

Brynna the RA and I took a long walk this afternoon through the park and down to the beach. The weather is beautiful, the end of the semester is near, and the campus is alive with shorts and flip-flops.

We hadn’t been able to really talk for some time due to work and school schedules, but I was so glad we were able to catch up. Her encouragement and experience is like a refreshing wave regarding some of the stuff I’m sorting through. God provides and speaks through our brothers and sisters more often than we know. I will miss her when she leaves for ministry across the world.

I continue to humbly learn how much I need Jesus. I need him to love others through me, to wake me up, to give me words that will help and not

“Hearts Like Ours” and the AssuranceKaitlyn2015-04-17T21:55:33+00:00

“Nothing Without Love” and the Struggle

Too much information + an analytic mind + a pressing internal desire to know God’s truth and get it right by his Spirit = (not sure yet, not at the end yet, is there an end yet?) Add Nate Ruess’s latest tune, and that’s been the soundtrack for today.

I met with Dr. M. this morning to process some things I’ve been learning in class and life. Namely, where do I fit in God’s designs for his children? I know my passions and giftedness; how do I honor him and not malign the Word when it comes to teaching the truth of the Bible?

This discussion is one that I’ve been turning over and over in my mind. I so desperately wish to serve God, and I want to “get it right” when it comes to what his Word means in light of A) who is given the green signal to teach

“Nothing Without Love” and the StruggleKaitlyn2015-04-09T04:33:16+00:00