Dear Bunny,
How is it that I am now the mother of a 6-month-old? I’m currently lying on the floor doing my stretches because I have sciatica. I’ve had a bad flare up since you were about 4 and 1/2 months old. It’s been coming and going, and physical therapy helps, but it’s very obnoxious and at times very painful. You have really pushed me to my limits in so many ways, Bunny girl. At times, I think my heart will explode with how much I love you and how I long to be with you all the time. I miss you when you’re asleep. I look at pictures and videos of you when you are napping and at night time. I love you so so so much little one. You’ve changed my life in the best way possible and I am eternally grateful that God has given you to me.
Daddy’s in the shower right now, and I have been meaning to write for a while so I figured this would be a good time. I love your laugh. I love your face that is just so full of wonder and curiosity at everything. I marvel at how you are growing. Something I’ve been thinking about lately is how by God’s grace I am now doing things and have done things I never ever thought I was capable of. ]Pregnancy and childbirth were difficult, but my life went completely upside down after you were born. The first 2 to 3 months of your life were some of the most difficult I’ve ever experienced. No, just kidding, those were the most difficult I’ve ever experienced. Now that we are on the other side of that, I’m enjoying motherhood so much. It is still very tiring, and there are many days where I just feel so worn out. Trying to balance work, managing our home, marriage, friendship, and of course, taking care of you leaves me feeling like butter that has been spread over too much toast. Somehow your dad and I are also finding time to go to physical therapy, read the word together, eat decent meals, and watch TV.
But it’s not just motherhood in general I enjoy. I specifically enjoy being your mom, love. Motherhood is not a generic job. It is one that is uniquely bound up in a particular relationship with a particular person. I am not just mother, I am your mommy. And that makes me happier than anything in the whole wide world.
We have a lot that we are praying about, and it looks like God is leading us to be closer to our family. I am so in shock and so thankful for that. I pray with your dad that the doors will keep opening and that we can keep going through them so that we can enjoy a new season together with your grandparents and uncles like we never could have imagined it before. For now, our days are very simple. These are halcyon days, where most of the time it’s you and me playing and eating oats and changing diapers and singing songs. It’s you and me in the rocking chair, you and me with your bottle, you and me taking walks in the park. And I get to see your little blue eyes take in every single color and sparkle and ray of sun and leaf on a tree. And I marvel.
Our life is still so simple. I love it so much. We don’t own anything, we live in a tiny apartment, and there just isn’t a whole lot going on except the goodness of God.
Thank you Jesus.
