Musings – Page 3 – Thoughts from Blue Eyes

I Want You to be Happier

I wish I had found out earlier in my life that God was happy. Oh, how that would have changed my perception of him!

Yes, he is eternally happy, forever delighting and loving within himself as the Trinity. And yes, that means when we know him, we are brought into that beautiful, ever-flowing Source of joy forever. In him is the fullness of all things, and he reigns over all things on heaven and earth.

I’ve been studying Colossians recently in tandem with Randy Alcorn’s superb treatise on a theology of happiness. What a surprising, undiscussed doctrine! Our eternal Grace and peace and hope flow from our God, and is the preeminent one over all creation (Col 1:3, 5, 15, 17).

Our God is the source of all delight and exudes all delight. He is the

I Want You to be HappierKaitlyn2019-02-01T04:06:47+00:00

October

“…for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy.’”

I’d like to confess some sin.

I’ve been working at a prominent church serving in various roles, with hands in multiple ministries, graduated from an amazing Bible college. I read my Bible daily and pray, I love my God, and I yearn to follow Him in obedience. I meditate on Scripture. I lead a small group of women. I pursue humility as a posture and attitude, with the Holy Spirit’s help. I’d like to think I’m doing pretty well in my Christian life. Many common sins don’t phase me: lust, or lies, or lack of conviction, or unclean speech. My media choices are well though-out in light of God’s call to holiness.

But part of my heart is not devoted to the Lord. An idol rules my life in a particular area, and that area has started to dominate my entire life.

It’s one

OctoberKaitlyn2019-10-08T02:29:18+00:00

February

I’m almost six months into my new job. Some parts still feel new to me, but I’m grateful and blessed by my coworker’s words that accurate describe my happy situation:

“It’s like God put a Kaitlyn-shaped hole right here at church, and you’ve just fit right in.”

One of my favorite parts of my job is corresponding and caring for our 75+ missionaries around the world. Several of them are retired after serving faithfully for many years–in Africa, in the US doing rural church planting, in the untouched places of South America. I deeply admire their commitment, resolving to follow God’s call as fresh twenty-somethings who, sometimes with their spouses, sometimes alone, ventured out on ships to translate the Bible and teach it when being a missionary meant living in a dirt hut and taking malaria medicine that makes you lose your hearing.

One of our dear ladies I decided to call and

FebruaryKaitlyn2018-02-09T03:37:32+00:00

What I’m Learning from my High-Church Friends

[Note: This post begins a new shift in writing. During my time in Bible college, this blog served the wonderful purpose of assisting me in processing my musings about the Lord working in my life. I will still seek to honor him in all my writing, but now that I’ve graduated, I’d like to make my posts more structured and topic-focused.]

I am hardly a high-church type of person, although I spent the first seven years of my life in a place full of chant-y rituals, clerical robes, and passing the communion cup. That church, sadly, was a dead and cold place, and my parents left seeking Christ’s face in a church elsewhere. From then on, I have been fed and nourished in a series of Bible-based denominational and non-denominational Bodies.

In Bible College, I met my first Anglican friend. In a curious pendulum swing from our parents and pastors of our youth,

What I’m Learning from my High-Church FriendsKaitlyn2019-10-08T02:29:18+00:00

Wisdom from Pooh

I am in the process of ending Year 4. I will soon cross the stage. I will shortly have my piece of paper. I will be sent.

Bible College has been the most incredible experience of my life. Trying to say goodbye “well” has involved a large, Hermoine Granger-sized mixed bag of emotions. This has been my favorite season, favorite place on earth, and now it is time to leave.

Maggie took me to a ridiculously sketchy-but-good grilled cheese dive tonight for one last spontaneous dinner. God continues his profound stooping as he constantly uses agents to encourage me and mediate his love. I love the Body of Christ for this reason and so many more.

Reading Romans 8 shows the tension between the already-but-not-yet world we live in. There are goodbyes, and pain, and sufferings, yes, but we as Christians await the new heavens and the new earth, we have hope that

Wisdom from PoohKaitlyn2017-04-25T04:30:19+00:00

Much so Far has Happened

Approximately fifteen minutes ago I was crying in the girls’ bathroom as a shaky eighteen-year-old who was starting her first day of college.

It is now April of Year 4. I have just left a friend’s apartment where we discussed and prayed and dreamed about the next phase of life, hopefully living together and working full time and seeking the Lord for his wisdom and clarity.

I am waiting to hear back from nonprofit administrative positions. I have been published. I am helping my boyfriend apply for seminary scholarships. I am hearing friends lease in the northern part of town and receive job offers and get engaged on the beach and I am being asked to speak at our last senior gathering and and and

Lord, so much has happened.

I am reading Exodus. A lot happened for those people of God in that time, too, albeit a lot more grander of a scale

Much so Far has HappenedKaitlyn2017-04-03T02:45:34+00:00

Reflections and Cardboard

My mind seeks to organize life in boxes. That’s how I work, and it’s great for many things.

This year has certainly been one to break the boxes. I’ve been challenged, humbled, confronted, and forced to process much–my own sin, my own fears, my own judgments about others that are incorrect and wrong.

I’ve cycled through the topics of race and gender roles and Christians needing to vote too many times to count; I’ve read Matthew, Acts, Hosea, Joel, Luke, Obadiah, and Amos; I’ve completed and started another year of Bible college; I’ve said goodbye to friends and welcomed new ones; I’ve walked with other through mental illness, relational difficulties, anxiety, and a lot of prayer for more faith that God will provide; I’ve been heartbroken over the state of sin in the world more than ever; I’ve discovered a desire to hone my teaching skills; I’ve begun dating a wonderfully complicated

Reflections and CardboardKaitlyn2019-10-08T02:29:18+00:00

Proper Goodbyes

Tears welled up in his eyes and his throat closed shut and he creaked out the words between swallows.

“I don’t want to write a book…I don’t need a big church…if you guys email me or call me in five, ten, fifteen, thirty years and tell me you’re still following Jesus, that’s all I want.”

That is my college pastor’s desired legacy. I yearn to have that same devotion to Christ, to people.

Today was his last Sunday morning with us. I’ve been encouraged, inspired, and fed under the teaching of this incredible pastor for the past 8 months. He has called out potential in me, stimulated the faith of others, and welcomed countless students into him and his family’s lives.

As I read the book of Genesis, I’m seeing the incredible faith and devotion of Abraham. Like my pastor, I look at this guy who demonstrated such a devotion to God’s call. My

Proper GoodbyesKaitlyn2016-09-12T04:02:06+00:00

Kitchen Table and Expectations

I’m sitting at the breakfast bar in my parents’ kitchen. It’s 9:30pm and I’m knocking back coconut chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven, courtesy of my mom and her practical love.

I’m thinking about a lot of things. Tomorrow I leave the Northwoods after a short stint home to begin: Year 4. I feel so funny about starting my last year at Bible College in the big city when three years ago, freshmen orientation was happening and I was scared to walk down the street by myself. In my head it’s only been about a week and maybe five minutes.

This summer, I completed an internship serving in suburbia with a local church’s women’s ministry. I have written a paper encapsulating my current philosophy of ministry to women, studied the Word immensely, took ownership of my retirement account, and upgraded my solo-highway-driving skills. I have struggled with anxieties, calling, future,

Kitchen Table and ExpectationsKaitlyn2016-08-20T05:02:45+00:00

Please Get Me a Bigger Box

I’ve recently noticed that I have a natural aversion to things I cannot figure out, pin down, hammer out. It stresses me out if I cannot put something in a box; life is so complex, this obviously is not a problem I can avoid. I am learning more to lean into the complicated rather than shying away, as this is where so much growth happens, but it’s not my favorite. It’s an intentional, arduous mental process for me as such a strategic thinker.

Perhaps that’s why, in an ironic way, I love studying the Bible so much. It’s like an eternal treasure chest that I can’t figure out. Instead of the stress that clutches me when I cannot wade through the loud forum of Protestant evangelical grey areas (here’s my latest), conversations about yet another thing the church should be doing, and arguments about race without a frustrated headache, I rejoice.

Please Get Me a Bigger BoxKaitlyn2016-07-28T03:32:47+00:00