frustrations – Thoughts from Blue Eyes

Please Rescue Me from my Mind Palace

The black hole of my mind.

I can spend hours pondering my future, internalizing anxiety and trying to over-analyze my heart’s current state. I can become absorbed in replaying memories, following threads into tomorrow, running and racing and lying awake. I mope over my lack of Christian growth and how I’ll never be good enough to xyz. Everyone is always better, more equipped, more focused. I could never write anything worth reading, have a grip solid enough on the Scriptures, know enough to have a ministry job…

My mental energy is often wasted navel-gazing at my own self. I have wept often and begged God to help me overcome my anxious, over-stimulated mind that runs until it’s exhausted. Where is the peace that passes all understanding? Where is God in my anxiety? Why does my mind have to do this to me, preventing me from enjoying seasons and moments too many times?

Why can’t I just

Please Rescue Me from my Mind PalaceKaitlyn2016-07-25T02:41:19+00:00

Broken Beating Hearts

Tonight, I met Hagar.

She was pushing a stroller at top speed through the subway tunnel. She was haggard, dirty, poorly dressed. Her daughter was eerily silent.

“Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me out?”

Metra ticket….safe house for women leaving abusing relationships….they’re saving a bed for her but she needs to get to Kenosha….

I didn’t have my purse. She left as fast as she arrived.

I was frozen to the cement and felt a wave of emotion. I wanted the scene to be put on hold so I could sit there for a moment, process the fact that this woman was on her own, with a baby, run down, with nothing to her name.

God, do you see her? Will you encounter her, save her, restore her?

My heart is continually made heavy by the racking pain of other people’s stories. My story is hard, but it’s pretzels compared to 99% of

Broken Beating HeartsKaitlyn2016-04-05T01:54:02+00:00

Travesty

Sometimes I read something and have to blink back tears.

Tonight I was scanning the news and saw an article about mass illegal immigration from Serbia and beyond through the Hungarian border to reach Western Europe. This has probably been happening for a long time, and I don’t ever pretend to be on top of things. But, tonight, the article was highlighted because of Hungary’s recent decision to seal the border with massive barbed wire and walls.

Accompanying this article was a brutal description of deaths: refugees found floating to shore from capsized boats in the Mediterranean, photos of little girls with hair tangled up in barbed wire, a freezer truck dumped at the border oozing decomposed bodies of Syrians who were trapped inside. They found a baby in there, by the way.

What is this dark world? Why? Sin? Evil? Travesty after travesty?

I can’t call it tragic because it’s expected. Sin has infected

TravestyKaitlyn2019-10-08T02:29:19+00:00

Somewhat Study-Driven

Fact: I’m in the library. Fact 2: I’m wearing a red t-shirt. Fact 3: Distorted Bible teaching makes me want to scream.

In my ministry methodology class, Dr. M said that accurate biblical teaching is the foundation for a church ministry, and I agree.

Why is it so hard to teach the truths of the Word today? Why can’t churches be doing what God has asked us to do? How come believers refuse to be uncomfortable, ask hard questions, see beyond March Madness and what the Kardashians are scandalizing today? One healthy helping of biblical illiteracy, fresh out of the oven!

I think it’s because we’re afraid.

If we truly believe what the Bible says about God and us, then many of us would be living with a ton more humility, reverent fear, and urgency. If we truly lived out the commands in the Bible, then we would conduct ourselves so differently. If we walk

Somewhat Study-DrivenKaitlyn2019-10-08T02:29:19+00:00