They say quitters never win, says the song I’m listening to at this moment.
Tex and I grabbed milkshakes last night. Again, this brother in the Lord preached the Gospel back to me and reminded me of much.
I’ve been up and down this semester; I’m dubbing it a slump, because I’ve found myself questioning a lot and feeling in a funk quite often. Part of it is the weighty amount of, “Kaitlyn, I need you to pray for me right now” and, “Kaitlyn, where is God in my pain? Why won’t he bring peace?” The other part is simply Year 2: too far from the beginning to remember why I started and too far from the end to see the light of God’s future ministry for me.
Tex is one of those people who can genuinely encourage. The Spirit working through him lifted my heart and made me rethink my outlook on the current status of my relationship with the Lord. Am I striving too much to serve God instead of resting in Jesus? Do I read the Bible to check it off and hurry-up-let-me-get-refreshed? I think I’ve been running around too much instead of growing in intimacy with Christ by spending time with him. The intimacy of my relationship with Christ is much greater than I thought, and that’s something to keep in perspective!
The city, in all honesty, is working against me in this. There’s something incredibly draining about this environment; lover of people I am, the atmosphere is a hard, tough, frenetic place. People don’t smile at each other on the sidewalks. It’s the City of Big Shoulders, and it’s taken me two years to figure it out.
In addition, I believe I’ve detected an alarming trend among believers today (at least, in my experience and context). Busyness is equated with healthy spirituality. It’s equated to effective kingdom work and personal development. It manifests in a pressure to work as much as possible and take as many classes and extracurriculars as possible — otherwise, I’m not doing enough. “Look at me!” the flesh says. “Look at all I’m doing for God!” Rest is shoved out, and this is a consistent problem for many Christians around here.
How do we rest? In Christ, in the set-aside time from our busyness, in the quiet place in the Word and in prayer. Alone. In silence. No “next thing” to run to and no worry about the future clinging hungrily to our minds.
This is my stepping stone for now. I don’t have to freak about how the future will look and if I’ll get it all done and it I have enough stuff on my planner. Please, Martha; you can’t grow in a relationship unless you spend time with someone.
Don’t quit. Our paradigms will shift as we grow, and it’s important to be exhorted by one another. God uses those around us to speak words of wisdom into our lives.
I need to see God past the busy and the stress and the unrest and the strain and the pressure and the anxiety.
He’s right here, after all.