Musings

Did you fall more in love with Jesus today?

That’s heavy, Doc.

Is that not the chief end of man? Something about enjoying God and glorifying him forever? (Westminster Catechism, *cough cough*). 

Behold me, amateur, as I wake up in the morning with a bleary mumbled greeting of thanks to my Lord. Then, I somehow manage by his grace to get out of bed and mumble more thanks and eat my breakfast. As I involve myself in the lives of my family, my own musings, books, movies, I “amen” to something someone else says. Watch carefully as I “fall more in love with Jesus” as I subsequently forget to pray the entire day and haphazardly return to Colossians 1 two minutes before I crash into sleep. Did you take notes? 

How easy is it to skip reading the Bible? Prayer? Accountability? Fellowship with other members of the Church?

I believe the answer to these questions can show us a lot about ourselves and our walk in Christ. The seduction of self, of others, and of the world is great. Not often do the powers of this world storm into our lives with guns blazing; we would notice right away if something was up. Instead, in a more deceptive and cunning pattern, we are slowly-but-surely drawn away from the narrow path of the Lord’s truth.

Just like in Eden, it all begins with entertaining a thought: “What if…?” Then, we mull over it and think of ways to act it out. “Maybe if I…” Soon, we justify our behavior to ourselves and our thoughts become reality. We already have

Who thinks, really, about what it means to be “dignified?”

We associate such a word with old Victorian tea parties and stiff-necked grandmothers who fuss over things that “aren’t important anymore.” We don’t entertain the term as part of our daily lexicon, and we shove it under the bed, quietly filed away with other forgotten virtues that are eternally attached to women from “back in the olden days” (chastity, anyone?)

Despite our delusions, dignity is quite a godly attribute. In fact, it’s pretty important in the Scriptures.

Living out the truth that we are valued. Self-respect, because we are not our own and have been bought with a price. Character. Integrity. Psalm 1. Wisdom. Proverbs 4.

Proverbs 31:25-26 describes the woman  as being clothed with strength and dignity.

It’s funny how shame suddenly appears when we least expect it.

It’s strange to come home when you divide your time between places. 

Yesterday, I returned home from the city. Falling in love with Chicago, I feel a strange compartmentalization in my heart that I’m trying to work through and process. You see, I’m in love with the Northwoods, too, which is a completely different everything: isolation, quiet, crickets, birds, bears, trees, the stars, my church, lakes, family. Contrast that with: friends, the noise, campus, vibrancy, concrete, mazes of streets and buses and trains. I refuse to use to term “my other life,” because it is all, by God’ grace, part of mine.

Somehow, I fit in well in both places. Somehow, the complexity of my personality has adapted to both. Somehow, I can love both. I am still myself; yet, I do feel an odd sense of division. Can

Tonight is the last night before my closest friends and I begin to separate for the summer. The first, Kyle, leaves tomorrow morning.

I feel this odd sense of bittersweetness. I have never experienced a community like this where one can grow to love people so deeply after knowing them for such a short time. God is alive in the people here, and he has challenged me, tested me, and taught me so much. My chest hurts with how much I care for my brothers and sisters here on campus, and I can’t imagine being separated from them.

As I watch the seniors walk on Saturday, I know I will think about this fall when their empty seats will be filled by the next crowd, faces unknown to me. As people disappear from my life, I will no

It’s funny how one thing can suddenly change your entire attitude, and you don’t even know why.

Yesterday was wicked sweet–party in the campus plaza, comedy show with friends, pranking, being able to say I can longboard now, and late-night junk-food-filled conversations with brothers in the plaza until past curfew.

Today was honestly good. Church was great. Studying a little for finals was great. Calling my mom was great. Hanging out with friends and getting soaked to the skin while attempting to walk to BOGO at Chipotle was great. I loved it.

Then I got back. 

I don’t know, it was weird. All of sudden, I was delivering a burrito bowl to a friend at work and she goes, “Are you okay? Something’s up.” I was spacey, not

I completed the last day of class today. Besides two finals next week, it’s done. Whoa.

I’m experiencing the oddest mix of emotions–happy for the summer, excitement that I’m moving on to another year of school, bittersweet about brothers and sisters who aren’t coming back to campus, frustration at the rate time is passing. I’ve been pretty open about this, and most others I talk to are feeling the same way. I want so badly to treasure these last days, and today was no exception.

So, I lived it up.

I went out with friends to get homemade sodas from a hole-in-the-wall to celebrate turning in our last paper, took fun photos around campus, learned to longboard from a friend this afternoon and subsequently went out late tonight to hit the streets with

What comes out of my mouth freaks me out. A lot.