My logic won out today or maybe it was the Spirit working in me. God gets the credit in my life.

I realized today that the guy I have a terrible crush on isn’t as great as I thought he was. I realized how UNattractive spiritual pride was. Arrogance is ugly; from afar, though, it can look like wisdom and confidence. 

The biggest factor in all this lies with the witness of my closest friends. I admire them for being hesitant, for they care about their words and gossip is something they wish to avoid at all costs. They shared with me their personal thoughts on this guy and how they aren’t fans. He treats relationships pretty casually and doesn’t mind challenging professors in a negative way. 

Our actions matter. We can have the best intentions and feelings, and yet others can perceive us as careless, cold, and lacking love. Unless we live out what we study and say, we are nothing and it means nothing. 

Physically, someone can be the most handsome guy in the room or the prettiest girl in class. Spiritually, however, a cold layer of smugness can be residing there on top of the hardest of hearts. It’s hard to accept that the inside may just not match the outside. It’s hard to make feelings change, even with the strongest of logic. However, I have been in prayer and focusing evermore on my Savior: my Blessed Assurance, Hope, Truth, Father, and Savior who is always who he says he is. I know this will take time….these types of things always do.

I will not prevent this from hindering my quest in seeking to know Jesus more by studying theology, for if anything, I will take a nod from this guy’s example and fight against the puffing up of knowledge by using it to help and equip others, always. If it doesn’t help me in the spread of the Gospel and the edification of others, I don’t want it. If learning won’t help me love my Lord more, I won’t pursue it. For knowledge puffs up, but love edifies. And the greatest of these is love.

In the meantime, I will pray for this brother to be humbled before our Lord and be reminded of his first love, the reason his blog from freshman year was started in the first place.

We must close our eyes of lustful flesh and look instead with the eyes of Christ, chasing after his perfect promises and not the empty books of man.